Basically, the goal of every man is to achieve happiness, whatever form it may take. But no one escapes the dynamic and irregular vagaries of life. It is then that the need to share and to be listened to, even understood, emerges. Disappointments, sorrows, frustrations or anger are then expressed to a confidant or a stranger. The desire to confide is all the more strange since it can take on disproportionate proportions. And therefore, outbid “good” and dramatize “evil” which punctuate the existence of those who “speak too much”.
The need to confide is legitimate, it is still necessary to have a clear and clear vision of the limit not to be crossed: Do not sink into silence and do not indulge in impulses of logorrhea. How could we find a happy medium which would gradually tend towards a personal conception of “happiness”?
Talking about yourself or confiding is beneficial, but to what extent?
Any social life presupposes that one is not very secret and enigmatic for his family and friendly entourage. And it is true that to some extent it would be better to censor oneself than to reveal oneself to the world. In this regard, how many people pride themselves on recognizing the clear border between what could be said and what should not be?
A little reminder is essential: The individual is a social being in essence, and his silence would still be a “false good idea” as to the preservation of his well-being. It is better to have a minimum of constructive discussions with those close to you than a fierce withdrawal. Confiding in a loved one is important and even beneficial for morale, provided they are good at listening.
That being said, and as the Gestalt therapist Gonzague Masquier specifies , speaking more than necessary, “undressing verbally” or putting your feet flat regularly, is a disruption of contact with yourself, with others and with its environment.
It follows that it is easy for some “minds” to take advantage of it and seize the opportunity to develop a healthy relationship that looks but is toxic in reality.
It’s all about balance
We never really see ourselves as we are and verbal exchange is a way for us to get to know each other. Typically, the balance wobbles and then shatters as in the case of a person who sees himself as he would have liked to be (the case of the swagger) or as the image he feared (the case of the one or that which self-depreciates).
It is the gaze of the other and his judgments, which correct the image we have of ourselves. That said, from there to bare, telling all about yourself, between our setbacks and our shortcomings, there is certainly a step not to be crossed.
In this case, we risk becoming invasive and annoying for ourselves and for others. So many things that will have a perverse effect on our tranquility.
A reframing of happiness and the desire to confide
Consider adopting a lifestyle that allows us to establish a fair measure of self-disclosure to those who would like to listen to us. Confide in the one we love but not be in an absolute lament vis-à-vis everyone else.
The act of relieving oneself of one’s illness by sharing it with a person contributes to happiness, without necessarily creating it. This sharing would then be enough to ease our pain and our confusion. It reminds us that we are not alone and that each individual leads a fight of their own.
Paradoxically, it is this achievement that should put into perspective our potential appetite for “saying too much”.
Finally, perhaps “happiness” is simply found in the absence of pain. At the thought of this epicurean philosophy, we would then be almost tempted to keep everything for ourselves.
Alternatives for those who confide “too much”
Here are some tips from our colleagues at Psychologie.com
- Gradually rebuild the boundaries that separate you from the others by a work of relaxation by imagining a symbolic line forming between you and your entourage.
- Allow yourself moments of respite by exploring your interiority. This can manifest as an awareness of the flow of thoughts and feelings that drive you. Once observed, make them part of a universe that is only for you.
- Preserve your individuality while accepting and respecting that of the other. It can be your spouse or family.